He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
