i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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