I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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