I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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