Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
