So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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