i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
