He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Randomize
