i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize
