he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize