end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Randomize
