I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
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