Will you blow on my dice?
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
