What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Randomize
