If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
