i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
