Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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