so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Terrible idea I love it
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
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