I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
