mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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