imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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