I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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