Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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