What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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