As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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