i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
i will never coherently bang her
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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