we made out on top of his cat.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
