She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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