whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
