well I can't set my house on fire every night
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize