I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
