No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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