I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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