So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
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