Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
