I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Randomize
