I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
