im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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