How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
