I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
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