it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
did i just pee glitter
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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