they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
3pm strippers are depressing
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
