Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
