I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
