did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Randomize
