$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Randomize
