Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize