Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
