Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize