Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
This baby is an asshole
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Randomize
