If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
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