I wanna bring you to show and tell
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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