I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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