What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
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