please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
