That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize