Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
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