well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
The power of my boobs compel you
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize