i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
did you just send me my own nude
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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