I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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