my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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