alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I wish i was in the wii world.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
