i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
