I CAN MOONWALK!
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
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