So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Randomize
