am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
God I need to hump something, right now.
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