im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
We have so much sex to catch up on
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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