12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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