you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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