i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
ttyl tear gas
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Randomize
