loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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